First blog post

Hello everybody! This is Sarah from Feminists Opposed to Pornography. I wanted to make a blog for my personal life, as it is pretty busy and can get overwhelming. I wanted to tell you all a little bit more about myself. I am 22 years old and live in New England. I am a senior in college and will get my Bachelor’s in Psychology in May. In June I start my online degree program for my Master’s in Psychology, I’m not sure of the concentration yet. I’ve been with my loving partner, G, for almost two years and even though it’s hard sometimes I’m overall extremely happy. I work as a DSP for people with disabilities and it is a stressful job but is personally very rewarding. 

Growing up, I was bullied a lot and did not have great personable skills so I was withdrawn. I’m slowly learning to express myself but it isn’t always easy. Much of my stressors in life come from my education, work, family, relationship, and my desire to branch out and achieve my future.

post

Too Much

Sometimes life is too much. From an outside perspective it may seem like my life is all sunshine and roses, but it’s very stressful. Monday-Friday I’m doing a week of school and work. My job involves me working with disabled people who have hit me, obsessed over me and bullied me. I hate my job. School is also stressful. Two hard classes. I have to manage my time carefully. Weekends are my days off, but I have to rush around to do errands I have no time to do during the day week. I don’t make enough money at my job but I’m limited until I graduate in May. I’m excited to graduate and find a better paying job where I’m appreciated. I had an anxiety attack this morning because I’m overwhelmed with everything. I called out of work when I usually don’t just because I panicked about having to go to that hell for 7 hours. My boyfriend has no days off either so he’s stressed out. It makes me sad because I wish I could trade places with him so he had weekends off and I didn’t. I feel overwhelmed and I feel I won’t succeed. I’m swallowed by life’s vortex and feel I can’t breathe. I don’t wanna do so many things anymore but I know that when I have kids and get a big job it’ll be harder. But I find solace in the idea that my kids and job will appreciate my efforts. I feel very under appreciated. 

Two Years of Talking


April 5 marks two years since G and I started talking. I’m very happy because he is my first everything and even though we argue sometimes and disagree, my life would miss it’s heart and soul. ❤ I love you baby. 

The Great Yoga Pants Debate

Veronica Partridge shared an article on her Christian blog about why she chose to stop wearing yoga pants in order to better honor her husband. There were two major responses to the article: you go girl or I’m going to wear what I want! I was torn after reading this article because I wear yoga pants, but it bothers me if my boyfriend has lustful thoughts about other women. 

Some women supported Patridge’s message that men will look, but you can give them something less to look at. I’m from Massachusetts where many high schools have decided to ban yoga pants because they are distracting to male students and teachers. Partridge’s own husband said that it’s hard for him to not look at other women in yoga pants but he tries hard not to. I agree with her points that if you don’t want your husband to lust after other women you shouldn’t put yourself in a position for other men to lust after you. If I’m out by myself and I wear yoga pants I try to wear a baggy shirt so my bum isn’t exposed. Some states consider yoga pants to be “indecent exposure” and can give jail time. 

Meanwhile, other women fell in the camp of disagreeing because they want to wear what they want. Many men also support this opinion because they want to see women in yoga pants. Some women don’t wear underwear with their yoga pants. They feel that men are going to look whether they’re wearing a burlap sack or yoga pants so they want to at least look good if they’re getting leered at. I am someone who firmly believes in holding people accountable for their own actions. I think that the more men are excused for leering at women, the more that women will be blamed for men’s reactions. I think it is wrong to tell a young woman that she has to change because she’s a distraction, yet men expose their stomachs and underwear and aren’t punished.

Regardless of which camp you fall into, you have to admit it’s alarming when you’re shopping for yoga pants that pornographic images and websites come up. That shows that yoga pants are intended to have some sexual reaction from other people. It is alarming because so many young women are wearing yoga pants: many posts on websites are from willing women, but others are taken without victims’ consents. 

The Denver Channel talks about how schools across the nation are banning yoga pants but some states want them banned state-wide. Some argue that yoga pants are good for lazy folk who don’t want to change when they get home from the gym or want a quick outfit. Others argue they’re distracting and leave nothing to the imagination.
Reading these articles got me thinking that maybe I should reconsider wearing yoga pants if I want my boyfriend to not stare at women in yoga pants. I feel that I should be the respect in my partner that I want from him. 

Boyfriend Appreciation Post

Today is 23 months with G, I’m blessed and thankful to have made it this far with him. I appreciate G for many reasons, but I wanted to make a short post about why I appreciate him the most.

  1. He loves me for who I am. Even if that someone is clingy, a bed hog, gets upset and jealous easy, and if I’m not all too confident in myself yet. It makes me happy deep down knowing that even at my worst I’m good enough for him.
  2. He makes me laugh. G is by far the funniest person I know! He always has me laughing and we have lots of inside jokes that we share.
  3. He’s a good listener. G will always take time out of his day to listen to me talk about what’s bothering me, even if he can’t right away. He always wants me to be happy and always encourages me to express how I’m feeling.
  4. He’s supportive. G is the one who encouraged me to blog about pornography and my feelings, and he’s never doubted me. When I cried because I didn’t have a lot of viewers or someone was mean, he tells me not to give up. He reminds me that my views are mine and that I should stick by them.
  5. He tries hard with everything. If he knows something he does is hurting me or bothering me, he puts in a genuine effort to change the behavior. Even if he slips up along the way he at least tries.
  6. He reminds me how much he loves me everyday. He texts me good morning nearly every day, and he tells me out of the blue how lucky he is to have me at least once a day.
  7. He’s changed his outlook on certain things because of me without me having to force him. Porn is a big one. Last night his brother mentioned he felt he had a porn addiction and G joked about it to break the ice, but he mentioned at his brother’s age he was a porn addict too and now he doesn’t look at it anymore; that it’s a habit you must break before it negatively affects you. G also reminded them that just because it doesn’t seem to affect your life doesn’t mean it’s not.
  8. He is the best cuddle bug in the world. He always cuddles me and makes me feel safe. He’s like a big teddy bear who warms me up! 
  9. He always apologizes when he’s wrong. G has a temper and sometimes says things he doesn’t mean, but don’t we all? He will apologize when he is wrong and I respect that. It’s given me the courage to apologize when I make mistakes.
  10. He’s the one person who’s been in my life consistently for two years. I lost my best friend and many of my other friends over the years due to leaving social media, leaving jobs, and just growing apart. It’s given me anxiety over the years about making friends, and with him I don’t have to try. I can just be myself and he loves me no matter what. ❤

What Feminism Means to Me


My name is Sarah, I’m 22 and I wanted to share with you why feminism is so important to me personally. Let me tell you some more about myself, first. I’m a psychology major, I love to write, I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years next month and I’m Catholic. I live in New England, I will be starting my Master’s program in June, and I love animals. I’m a sweet person and I want to find a career which helps others. 

Feminism gives me hope that I can make a difference with my words, not my body. If you’re a guy reading this, it will definitely help you understand how women think. From a young age women are conditioned that they have to be attractive in order to obtain success. Think about it: prettier women will always get chosen over the Plain Jane. Unfortunately this often means that women have been pressured to make themselves more attractive in order to get work. Modeling is one of these careers. 75% have been exposed to drugs and alcohol, with 50% exposed to cocaine specifically. 60% have been asked to lose weight and 1/3 of the models surveyed have/have had an eating disorder. 60% of models feel they have no privacy when changing at work and 85% have been asked to pose nude without prior notice. 28% feel pressured to sleep with a male boss to get ahead and less than 1/3 feel they can tell someone higher up about the sexual harassment. To me this is very sad. This is why we need Feminism. I can write safely from this blog and know people are paying attention to my words. 

Feminism shows me that I don’t need to show off my body. I have the choice to do so but I choose not to. Many times women would be ignored if they were sitting in a room unless they were exposing their breasts or butts. Surveys have shown that in political discussions females speak less and are ignored more than males. I can safely discuss my views and get feedback, have intelligent conversations and change people’s views. To me, Amy Shumer and Kim Kardashian are not good role models and take away from Feminism. They tell people that the naked body is a definite necessity in order to be confident, beautiful and a woman. You don’t have to be naked in order to be a beautiful woman.

Beauty is everywhere in our society, whether it’s people, places, clothing, etc. But why we need Feminism is because people confuse appreciating beauty and lusting after another person. I can appreciate an attractive man or woman without wanting to see them naked. I appreciate beauty every day by being around beautiful people and beautiful places. G is the most beautiful person to me, however. I can never appreciate beauty the same way since I’ve been with G. Everything reminds me of him and I do my best to avoid temptations. 

I know I am not the most beautiful person in the world but I know I’m the most beautiful to G, and he’s the most beautiful to me. That is what is most important. We won’t be the only person the other finds attractive, but it’s about being appropriate and pushing away bad thoughts. What I feel relationships should be like are that we can notice a toned man on the beach or a woman in tight clothes, but we stop after a few seconds and don’t allow those people to consume our thoughts. 

I feel like our modern day society celebrates the Kardashians of the world when they contribute absolutely nothing to the Feminist cause. They get naked, sleep around, bash other women, get plastic surgery and profit off of the insecurities of other women. Yet most of America has seen the Kardashians naked because of the fact that the media pushes them onto us. The female Marines who have been humiliated by the male Marines through releasing private photos and information are why Feminism is still needed. Nobody deserves to have their private pictures or information released without their consent. It makes me angry because this has gone on for decades but only now is it a story. Women in male-dominated careers often get bullied or harassed. 

I wanted to list some statistics on women in the military. Women make up 15% percent of the military in the U.S. 8.3% of female veterans were unemployed in 2012 compared to 6.9% of male veterans. Between 2006-2010, the number of homeless female veterans doubled. 23% of female veterans are divorced and 39% are single parents. 1 in 5 females in the military have admitted they were victims of sexual trauma in the military, 33% experienced rape or attempted rape, and 85% experienced sexual assault or sexual harassment. 81-93% of women in the military experienced some type of trauma before joining so they were running from something. 27% of female veterans have PTSD compared to 10-12% of the normal female civilian population. 1/3 of VA clinics don’t have an OBGYN, so many women have to go elsewhere and pay more costs or not go at all. 

Because of people like the Kardashians, normal women aren’t respected. I’ve had men whistle at me while I walked around, a man slapped my butt once thinking I was his girlfriend, and I’ve felt men stare at me. Obviously people can look at who they want to, but it’s uncomfortable when you feel someone stare at you and follow you. 

Independent, a British newspaper, discusses how porn has influenced modern day culture. Former Prime Minister David Cameron wanted the Internet to filter out the adult content. It is very easy for people to access the material on their smartphones nowadays, and there is worse material out there called “rape porn.” There’s even videos online labeled “hilarious mental breakdowns” where porn stars who are on drugs/alcohol or just can’t take it anymore and have mental breakdowns, and many times the men in the videos and men watching the videos laugh! In the 1980s Feminists had a different stance on porn because much of the older porn was more female friendly. Most porn of the 80s had unshaven women and there was a focus on their pleasure. To say that today is laughable. Young men are taught that anal sex and oral sex are things that they have the right to get/give, and that women are submissive and their sexual opinions don’t matter. Popular newspapers and news outlets, sometimes censored and sometimes uncensored, publish pictures of women’s breasts and butts as if women are just a collection of body parts. 

It is unfair that half the population has to be objectified for the expense of the other half, and that women have to work at places where magazines/newspapers are sold that objectify them. Men aren’t objectified nearly as much. You don’t really see Playgirl at a store nearly as much as you’d see Playboy. The former editor of Loaded, a porn magazine, has had a change of heart due to the effects porn may have on his 4 year old son. The editor made a movie, but it focuses on the damage porn does to men rather than women.  

I worry that the notion of porn being addictive lets men off the hook. In much the same way, talking about boys who have been “sexually traumatised” by watching porn diverts attention from girls who are having to deal with demeaning and dangerous sexual demands from young men. I’m glad that Daubney argues for better sex and relationships education, but I’m uncomfortable with the notion that porn is suddenly a bad thing because it damages boys.

It is true, porn is not suddenly a bad thing. It’s changed since the 1980s when women’s pleasure actually mattered. When you listen to music from the 80s and 90s, although there’s sexual music in there, it’s not as derogatory as music is today. You listen to popular music today and women are called “bitches”, “whores”, “cunts”, etc., and women in music videos are basically underpaid porn stars. I hear men around me call women bitches, think women deserve rape due to their clothes, and say that there’s no problems with porn. Porn is a symptom of the bigger problem. Feminism will only be not needed when the sexes are truly equal. I don’t agree with Free the Nipple, because you’re turning yourself into a sex object in order to not be a sex object? When women can walk around by themselves without worrying about being raped feminism can go away. When modern day porn is a thing of the past and people learn to love and appreciate their partners feminism can go away. When, according to the Huffington Post, 1 of 3 women aren’t sexually harassed at work then feminism can go away. 71% of women don’t report their sexual harrsssment because it isn’t taken seriously. “Are you sure you didn’t lead him on?” is a response often given to women. Sexual harassment towards men is often seen as a joke, which is unfair towards men. When a male teacher seduces a female student he’s a pervert and a weirdo, but it’s “cool” when a female teacher seduces a male student. 

We need Feminism because women often cannot have equal romantic relationships because men feel entitled to things like porn, drugs, drinking, etc. I’ve had friends cry to me because their boyfriends don’t respect them with porn and strip clubs, and they don’t know what to do. This is wrong. It is wrong to lie to your partner and hurt them. Even if you don’t think it’s wrong, respect your partner! I’ve seen men tell other men to dump their girlfriends if they were in porn, if they went to a male strip club, if they got extremely intoxicated at a party and flirted with other men. Why is it ok for men to lie and hurt but it isn’t ok for women to do so? This is why we need Feminism. We need to change the world, one blog at a time! 🙂

G’s Triumph

I wanted to share more of G’s inspirational story with you all. It is something that made me happy today. I’ve been trying to recall something I enjoy about G either that day or overall. Something that makes me proud about G is that he always perserveres. He’s beaten some pretty tough odds and has flourished in the last 3 years.

In 2013-14, G was battling drug and alcohol addictions. His drugs of choice were cocaine, percoets, crack cocaine, etc., and he was also an alcoholic. There were occasions where he’s overdosed and nearly died. According to Sober College about 75% of high school students have used addictive substances and 46% currently use addictive substances. 20% of all U.S. deaths are caused by drug addiction. Drugs and alcohol used to get G through his days and they didn’t feel normal until he used his drugs of choice and alcohol. In June 2014, G checked into rehab and a month later he was out. 

Cognichoice says that opiate addicts have an 85% chance of relapse in first year, 80% of alcoholics have chance of relapse in first year, and addicts are 40% less likely to relapse after two years of sobriety. I am so proud of G. June 20, 2017 will be 3 years of sobriety for him. G has not relapsed once in these 3 years. I pray and thank God for keeping him on a good path. In June G will graduate with his Associate’s Degree in Libral Arts and by next December he will have his Bachelor’s Degree in Business Management. He took 4 years off between high school and college and he went back. He is the top student in his whole school with a 3.9 GPA. 
G inspires me because he shows me anything is possible when work hard for it. When he wants something he puts in 110% and doesn’t give up. Even though he’s not perfect he tries and that’s the most important thing. 

Drug addiction and alcohol addiction are a very serious problem. Many people get exposed at a very young age, and when 1/10 Americans has an addictive personality that spells out disaster for many. For people like G, it is easy to trade one addiction for another (i.e., alcohol, stimulants, tobacco, porn, etc.) so it’s important to be aware of what you are doing at all times. Self awareness and love are important for conquering anything addictive. I am very proud of G and hope his story can be inspirational to someone out there who’s struggling with drug or alcohol addiction. 

Untitled


So I wanted to take the time to talk about my progress with my medication. I started Paxil 10 mg the day before Thanksgiving, and about a month later I was updated to 20 mg a day. This is the first medication I’ve formally been on and I’ve overall had a great experience with it. I also wanted to discuss my triggers and explain how I’m learning to deal with them to help you guys all out. 

It helps me with having better control over my mood swings, anxiety, depression and just being able to calm myself down. Besides the few times where I missed my medication and had a meltdown, I haven’t had any extremely bad days. I have been able to prevent myself from having a meltdown many times and I was not able to really do that before.

I’ve still had panic attacks, but I’ve been able to stop them before they could get too bad. Overall, I feel more calm and relaxed throughout the day. My anxiety and depression are still there, but they don’t own me, I own them now.

Paired with my medication, I’m learning to identify what triggers me to be upset and to discuss it with my loved ones so they understand. It is still frustrating sometimes because I feel that people don’t understand why something is triggering when I explain why a bunch of times, but it’s been better. I can form rational thoughts and understand my triggers.

My triggers are still my Achilles’ heel. Last night I was triggered because I saw something on my phone that would be triggering for G if he saw it so I was restless before I went to sleep. Thanks to my medicine, instead of having a full blown anxiety attack and worrying myself to death, I decided to speak with G about what I saw and see if he saw it, and if he did how he reacted to it. I also told myself there’s a chance he didn’t even see it so my worries may be unfounded. I’m still triggered by news stories that mention sex/nudity, women that I deem to be superior to me, celebrities/porn stars that I know G has seen naked, etc., but I’m learning to lay my triggers out, accept them and try to teach others about them. I know getting quiet and upset if I’m triggered only upsets those around me because they don’t understand. Many times G doesn’t understand why I’m upset and feels I’m projecting it onto him, and it leads to an arguement because he feels I’m taking something out on him when he hasn’t done anything wrong. I’m learning that I have to express myself in a non-judgmental way so he doesn’t take what I’m saying as a jab at him but rather as me explaining what triggers me.

Today I was also very happy because G texted me this morning that he was excited to make love to me today out of the blue. This made me happy because when G was looking at porn a lot it made me feel like he wasn’t as into being intimate with me and it affected our sex life. March 4 was 4 months since his D-Day and even though he slipped up, he’s made a big effort to avoid things that can be triggering for him, and when he’s presented with triggers he has learned how to deal with them rather than just look at a bunch of porn. It makes me happy because when G was looking at a lot of porn it made me feel undesirable, unsexy, ugly, fat, etc., so it makes me happy to see him putting in more effort to be romantic and sexy. I’m happy because I know that even if he slips up that he has learned enough self control to not have porn binges again. 

My triggers are my own and I have the ability to control them somewhat. I know I can choose to freak out or I can calmly discuss with G that I’m feeling triggered and need to talk. I’m happy that there’s been improvements to our sex life, because I was terrified of minor disruptions of our sex life again or of G continuing to use porn as a stress relief. I’ve learned to be more understanding of him. I understand that G’s porn problem was not my fault. He watched porn long before he even met me and it went from a hobby to a habit. In his interview he even mentioned it was necessary for him at some points for a day to feel normal. I understand that as I have triggers that he has triggers too. Certain words and images can trigger him and he usually would binge before he was even aware of it. It made him feel guilty around me because he didn’t wanna upset me. When I found out he looked at porn I used to cry and have panic attacks. It is still something very terrible for me and it is not something I could deal with if he wasn’t willing to change. I’m learning to be more approachable to him. When he last slipped 3 weeks ago he was honest about it with me when I asked, so I see that as a sign that things are improving. 

It makes me happy because we grow as a couple every day. Blogging helps me grow confident with myself and to deal with things that have happened from the time I was a kid to the time I was an adult. It allows me to communicate better with my partner and allows him to see in my heart and understand that even if he doesn’t always agree with my views, that they are real, valid and deserve to be respected. I understand minor slip ups as long as they don’t lead to G binging with porn of porn stars or everyday women posting pictures. If there’s a news story that mentions nudity/sex and he looks up the picture I won’t be too thrilled but I will be happy he’s honest and we will try to find ways to help G not give in to temptations. It’s difficult but we get stronger everyday. ❤

Edit – I also wanted to add that I’m learning to love myself and find myself beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, etc., both inside and out. I know I’m worthy of respect and love from those around me. For a long time I tried to justify things that have happened to me but I know that bad things just happen sometimes. I love and respect myself to know what I deserve. I know that if I want my relationship to be porn free that I deserve that, and any less is disrespectful to me. But I also respect that it takes time to break a habit and that G’s progress is substantial and I love him so much for doing this for me. It truly means a lot to me that he is willing to at least try and that we are making progress. ❣️