The Heart of a Child

Life is a magical wonderland, and when you’re a child the world is your playpen. I didn’t know what I was going to do when I was an adult. I felt like I was going to be one of those people who never married or had kids, worked a lot and had a boring life. Growing up I was sheltered and my parents did not have much of a desire to go out, so I didn’t experience a lot.

Since I’ve started dating G, it feels like I’m a child again. I feel like the world is my pearl and that I am a big oyster. Last February I went with G and his family to the Dominican Republic, and in April this year we’re taking a cross country trip to Texas, and making stops along the way. Being able to explore the world around me makes me feel confident and content. 

Growing up it was difficult for me to find my place and fit in. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression since I was about 12. It was difficult for me to process the world around me. It felt as if life was just a bunch of colors blended together that you can’t smell, taste, touch or hear. I would get into funks where I just felt as if life was passing by and no matter how fast I ran I couldn’t keep up. It didn’t help that I was bullied/harassed, socially awkward and had terrible self image. 

I kept a lot of my mental health issues a secret for a long time. My parents weren’t exactly the most open minded people and I felt they wouldn’t understand. I kept my issues to myself for a long time. Even though I unload a lot of my issues on G, I know it is a sign from God that I need to express myself. Depression and Anxiety together are a curse. Sometimes I feel depressed because of my anxiety, and sometimes I feel anxious because of my depression. It is not always easy to deal with my issues. I’ve dealt with most of the same issues throughout my life, but articulating them for other people, especially G, is difficult.

Self-love is so important, and it is not always easy to love yourself, but when you don’t love yourself you cannot bring yourself to let someone else love you fully. We all have our flaws and if someone loves you they will love you through your flaws. I often wondered how people could love me when I didn’t think there was anything lovable about myself. I was too hard on myself. I have a big heart, I’m a kind person, I try my best, I am persistent and passionate, and I want to make everyone happy. When I learned to not expect so much out of myself and to step back and enjoy the roses, I learned to appreciate life more. 🌹

If someone loves you they will always try hard to accommodate your needs and empathize with you. G does a great job at loving me and accepting me. I know that he will never leave and will love me until his last breath. Having that support and reassurance from him has allowed me to get back on my feet and start loving myself as a person. One person cannot fix you, but can be part of the cement that allows you to build yourself into a statue. ❤

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2 thoughts on “The Heart of a Child

  1. What you said is so true…”Self-love is so important, and it is not always easy to love yourself, but when you don’t love yourself you cannot bring yourself to let someone else love you fully.” If we wait for someone else to love us before we can begin to see our own value, then we will be waiting a long time. You’ve come a long way, and I know that others will benefit from your courage!

    Liked by 1 person

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