If there’s anything I’ve learned in life, it’s that everything teaches us something. Painful memories allow us to rise and become stronger. Pleasant experiences are added to our memory book and make us happy. The more you try to impress people and get them to like you, the more they seem to distrust you. When you stop caring about how others perceive you is finally when you are able to attract others towards you.
Growing up, I was shy, socially awkward and couldn’t seem to make true friends. I had friends here and there but our friendships always came to an end. A pair of twins I was friends with always messed with me, humiliated me online on several occasions, and made me distrust people. A friend who was a neighbor of mine only used me to spend time with another neighbor of ours. I’ve had friends use me for rides, food, money, experiences, etc. Recently, I even lost my best friend of 3 years because she was jealous of my relationship. G is the epitome of friendship and I am thankful for him. He listens to me with whatever problems I have, he makes effort to spend time with me, he does things for me, and just importantly he’s shown me he isn’t leaving.
I’d say in the last year I’ve revitalized my faith in Jesus. I had a disconnected relationship with the Lord because of experiences of mine. Like many of you, when terrible things happened to me and people I cared about, it caused me to question things. When G and I had issues, I questioned my faith. It is difficult to have faith when you are blinded by pain. There were countless times where I’d cry in my bed or my car and just ask, “Why do these things happen to me/my loved ones? What do I/they do that could possibly make them deserving of pain?”
I don’t go to church as often as I should, but I do my best to say prayers often, thank Jesus for everything he does whether or not it goes my way, and I just try to be a positive person. About a month ago I burned myself because of frustration. While it felt good in the moment I knew it wasn’t healthy, and I haven’t done it since. What stresses me out the most, and I’m sure it stresses you all out too, is when you cannot properly communicate your feelings. When I felt G wasn’t understanding or respecting my feelings it hurt. But what I’ve learned since then is that you have to get up and try harder. We are slowly improving our communication and it definitely shows, since we are able to better understand each other.
At the end of April, after my two year anniversary with G, I am joining him and his family on vacation. Last year we went to the Dominican Republic for a week in February. This year we are driving to Dallas, Texas! We are going to stop in Connecticut, Tennessee and possibly a few other states on the way. I am excited because to me this shows that having faith and patience can reward you when you least expect it. I am excited to be able to visit a new place!
Life is to short to be sad, hateful and resentful towards others. We have to be happy, loving and joyful. As hard as it is, we have to do our best to love and be loved. ❤