The Great Yoga Pants Debate

Veronica Partridge shared an article on her Christian blog about why she chose to stop wearing yoga pants in order to better honor her husband. There were two major responses to the article: you go girl or I’m going to wear what I want! I was torn after reading this article because I wear yoga pants, but it bothers me if my boyfriend has lustful thoughts about other women. 

Some women supported Patridge’s message that men will look, but you can give them something less to look at. I’m from Massachusetts where many high schools have decided to ban yoga pants because they are distracting to male students and teachers. Partridge’s own husband said that it’s hard for him to not look at other women in yoga pants but he tries hard not to. I agree with her points that if you don’t want your husband to lust after other women you shouldn’t put yourself in a position for other men to lust after you. If I’m out by myself and I wear yoga pants I try to wear a baggy shirt so my bum isn’t exposed. Some states consider yoga pants to be “indecent exposure” and can give jail time. 

Meanwhile, other women fell in the camp of disagreeing because they want to wear what they want. Many men also support this opinion because they want to see women in yoga pants. Some women don’t wear underwear with their yoga pants. They feel that men are going to look whether they’re wearing a burlap sack or yoga pants so they want to at least look good if they’re getting leered at. I am someone who firmly believes in holding people accountable for their own actions. I think that the more men are excused for leering at women, the more that women will be blamed for men’s reactions. I think it is wrong to tell a young woman that she has to change because she’s a distraction, yet men expose their stomachs and underwear and aren’t punished.

Regardless of which camp you fall into, you have to admit it’s alarming when you’re shopping for yoga pants that pornographic images and websites come up. That shows that yoga pants are intended to have some sexual reaction from other people. It is alarming because so many young women are wearing yoga pants: many posts on websites are from willing women, but others are taken without victims’ consents. 

The Denver Channel talks about how schools across the nation are banning yoga pants but some states want them banned state-wide. Some argue that yoga pants are good for lazy folk who don’t want to change when they get home from the gym or want a quick outfit. Others argue they’re distracting and leave nothing to the imagination.
Reading these articles got me thinking that maybe I should reconsider wearing yoga pants if I want my boyfriend to not stare at women in yoga pants. I feel that I should be the respect in my partner that I want from him. 

Boyfriend Appreciation Post

Today is 23 months with G, I’m blessed and thankful to have made it this far with him. I appreciate G for many reasons, but I wanted to make a short post about why I appreciate him the most.

  1. He loves me for who I am. Even if that someone is clingy, a bed hog, gets upset and jealous easy, and if I’m not all too confident in myself yet. It makes me happy deep down knowing that even at my worst I’m good enough for him.
  2. He makes me laugh. G is by far the funniest person I know! He always has me laughing and we have lots of inside jokes that we share.
  3. He’s a good listener. G will always take time out of his day to listen to me talk about what’s bothering me, even if he can’t right away. He always wants me to be happy and always encourages me to express how I’m feeling.
  4. He’s supportive. G is the one who encouraged me to blog about pornography and my feelings, and he’s never doubted me. When I cried because I didn’t have a lot of viewers or someone was mean, he tells me not to give up. He reminds me that my views are mine and that I should stick by them.
  5. He tries hard with everything. If he knows something he does is hurting me or bothering me, he puts in a genuine effort to change the behavior. Even if he slips up along the way he at least tries.
  6. He reminds me how much he loves me everyday. He texts me good morning nearly every day, and he tells me out of the blue how lucky he is to have me at least once a day.
  7. He’s changed his outlook on certain things because of me without me having to force him. Porn is a big one. Last night his brother mentioned he felt he had a porn addiction and G joked about it to break the ice, but he mentioned at his brother’s age he was a porn addict too and now he doesn’t look at it anymore; that it’s a habit you must break before it negatively affects you. G also reminded them that just because it doesn’t seem to affect your life doesn’t mean it’s not.
  8. He is the best cuddle bug in the world. He always cuddles me and makes me feel safe. He’s like a big teddy bear who warms me up! 
  9. He always apologizes when he’s wrong. G has a temper and sometimes says things he doesn’t mean, but don’t we all? He will apologize when he is wrong and I respect that. It’s given me the courage to apologize when I make mistakes.
  10. He’s the one person who’s been in my life consistently for two years. I lost my best friend and many of my other friends over the years due to leaving social media, leaving jobs, and just growing apart. It’s given me anxiety over the years about making friends, and with him I don’t have to try. I can just be myself and he loves me no matter what. ❤

What Feminism Means to Me


My name is Sarah, I’m 22 and I wanted to share with you why feminism is so important to me personally. Let me tell you some more about myself, first. I’m a psychology major, I love to write, I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years next month and I’m Catholic. I live in New England, I will be starting my Master’s program in June, and I love animals. I’m a sweet person and I want to find a career which helps others. 

Feminism gives me hope that I can make a difference with my words, not my body. If you’re a guy reading this, it will definitely help you understand how women think. From a young age women are conditioned that they have to be attractive in order to obtain success. Think about it: prettier women will always get chosen over the Plain Jane. Unfortunately this often means that women have been pressured to make themselves more attractive in order to get work. Modeling is one of these careers. 75% have been exposed to drugs and alcohol, with 50% exposed to cocaine specifically. 60% have been asked to lose weight and 1/3 of the models surveyed have/have had an eating disorder. 60% of models feel they have no privacy when changing at work and 85% have been asked to pose nude without prior notice. 28% feel pressured to sleep with a male boss to get ahead and less than 1/3 feel they can tell someone higher up about the sexual harassment. To me this is very sad. This is why we need Feminism. I can write safely from this blog and know people are paying attention to my words. 

Feminism shows me that I don’t need to show off my body. I have the choice to do so but I choose not to. Many times women would be ignored if they were sitting in a room unless they were exposing their breasts or butts. Surveys have shown that in political discussions females speak less and are ignored more than males. I can safely discuss my views and get feedback, have intelligent conversations and change people’s views. To me, Amy Shumer and Kim Kardashian are not good role models and take away from Feminism. They tell people that the naked body is a definite necessity in order to be confident, beautiful and a woman. You don’t have to be naked in order to be a beautiful woman.

Beauty is everywhere in our society, whether it’s people, places, clothing, etc. But why we need Feminism is because people confuse appreciating beauty and lusting after another person. I can appreciate an attractive man or woman without wanting to see them naked. I appreciate beauty every day by being around beautiful people and beautiful places. G is the most beautiful person to me, however. I can never appreciate beauty the same way since I’ve been with G. Everything reminds me of him and I do my best to avoid temptations. 

I know I am not the most beautiful person in the world but I know I’m the most beautiful to G, and he’s the most beautiful to me. That is what is most important. We won’t be the only person the other finds attractive, but it’s about being appropriate and pushing away bad thoughts. What I feel relationships should be like are that we can notice a toned man on the beach or a woman in tight clothes, but we stop after a few seconds and don’t allow those people to consume our thoughts. 

I feel like our modern day society celebrates the Kardashians of the world when they contribute absolutely nothing to the Feminist cause. They get naked, sleep around, bash other women, get plastic surgery and profit off of the insecurities of other women. Yet most of America has seen the Kardashians naked because of the fact that the media pushes them onto us. The female Marines who have been humiliated by the male Marines through releasing private photos and information are why Feminism is still needed. Nobody deserves to have their private pictures or information released without their consent. It makes me angry because this has gone on for decades but only now is it a story. Women in male-dominated careers often get bullied or harassed. 

I wanted to list some statistics on women in the military. Women make up 15% percent of the military in the U.S. 8.3% of female veterans were unemployed in 2012 compared to 6.9% of male veterans. Between 2006-2010, the number of homeless female veterans doubled. 23% of female veterans are divorced and 39% are single parents. 1 in 5 females in the military have admitted they were victims of sexual trauma in the military, 33% experienced rape or attempted rape, and 85% experienced sexual assault or sexual harassment. 81-93% of women in the military experienced some type of trauma before joining so they were running from something. 27% of female veterans have PTSD compared to 10-12% of the normal female civilian population. 1/3 of VA clinics don’t have an OBGYN, so many women have to go elsewhere and pay more costs or not go at all. 

Because of people like the Kardashians, normal women aren’t respected. I’ve had men whistle at me while I walked around, a man slapped my butt once thinking I was his girlfriend, and I’ve felt men stare at me. Obviously people can look at who they want to, but it’s uncomfortable when you feel someone stare at you and follow you. 

Independent, a British newspaper, discusses how porn has influenced modern day culture. Former Prime Minister David Cameron wanted the Internet to filter out the adult content. It is very easy for people to access the material on their smartphones nowadays, and there is worse material out there called “rape porn.” There’s even videos online labeled “hilarious mental breakdowns” where porn stars who are on drugs/alcohol or just can’t take it anymore and have mental breakdowns, and many times the men in the videos and men watching the videos laugh! In the 1980s Feminists had a different stance on porn because much of the older porn was more female friendly. Most porn of the 80s had unshaven women and there was a focus on their pleasure. To say that today is laughable. Young men are taught that anal sex and oral sex are things that they have the right to get/give, and that women are submissive and their sexual opinions don’t matter. Popular newspapers and news outlets, sometimes censored and sometimes uncensored, publish pictures of women’s breasts and butts as if women are just a collection of body parts. 

It is unfair that half the population has to be objectified for the expense of the other half, and that women have to work at places where magazines/newspapers are sold that objectify them. Men aren’t objectified nearly as much. You don’t really see Playgirl at a store nearly as much as you’d see Playboy. The former editor of Loaded, a porn magazine, has had a change of heart due to the effects porn may have on his 4 year old son. The editor made a movie, but it focuses on the damage porn does to men rather than women.  

I worry that the notion of porn being addictive lets men off the hook. In much the same way, talking about boys who have been “sexually traumatised” by watching porn diverts attention from girls who are having to deal with demeaning and dangerous sexual demands from young men. I’m glad that Daubney argues for better sex and relationships education, but I’m uncomfortable with the notion that porn is suddenly a bad thing because it damages boys.

It is true, porn is not suddenly a bad thing. It’s changed since the 1980s when women’s pleasure actually mattered. When you listen to music from the 80s and 90s, although there’s sexual music in there, it’s not as derogatory as music is today. You listen to popular music today and women are called “bitches”, “whores”, “cunts”, etc., and women in music videos are basically underpaid porn stars. I hear men around me call women bitches, think women deserve rape due to their clothes, and say that there’s no problems with porn. Porn is a symptom of the bigger problem. Feminism will only be not needed when the sexes are truly equal. I don’t agree with Free the Nipple, because you’re turning yourself into a sex object in order to not be a sex object? When women can walk around by themselves without worrying about being raped feminism can go away. When modern day porn is a thing of the past and people learn to love and appreciate their partners feminism can go away. When, according to the Huffington Post, 1 of 3 women aren’t sexually harassed at work then feminism can go away. 71% of women don’t report their sexual harrsssment because it isn’t taken seriously. “Are you sure you didn’t lead him on?” is a response often given to women. Sexual harassment towards men is often seen as a joke, which is unfair towards men. When a male teacher seduces a female student he’s a pervert and a weirdo, but it’s “cool” when a female teacher seduces a male student. 

We need Feminism because women often cannot have equal romantic relationships because men feel entitled to things like porn, drugs, drinking, etc. I’ve had friends cry to me because their boyfriends don’t respect them with porn and strip clubs, and they don’t know what to do. This is wrong. It is wrong to lie to your partner and hurt them. Even if you don’t think it’s wrong, respect your partner! I’ve seen men tell other men to dump their girlfriends if they were in porn, if they went to a male strip club, if they got extremely intoxicated at a party and flirted with other men. Why is it ok for men to lie and hurt but it isn’t ok for women to do so? This is why we need Feminism. We need to change the world, one blog at a time! 🙂

G’s Triumph

I wanted to share more of G’s inspirational story with you all. It is something that made me happy today. I’ve been trying to recall something I enjoy about G either that day or overall. Something that makes me proud about G is that he always perserveres. He’s beaten some pretty tough odds and has flourished in the last 3 years.

In 2013-14, G was battling drug and alcohol addictions. His drugs of choice were cocaine, percoets, crack cocaine, etc., and he was also an alcoholic. There were occasions where he’s overdosed and nearly died. According to Sober College about 75% of high school students have used addictive substances and 46% currently use addictive substances. 20% of all U.S. deaths are caused by drug addiction. Drugs and alcohol used to get G through his days and they didn’t feel normal until he used his drugs of choice and alcohol. In June 2014, G checked into rehab and a month later he was out. 

Cognichoice says that opiate addicts have an 85% chance of relapse in first year, 80% of alcoholics have chance of relapse in first year, and addicts are 40% less likely to relapse after two years of sobriety. I am so proud of G. June 20, 2017 will be 3 years of sobriety for him. G has not relapsed once in these 3 years. I pray and thank God for keeping him on a good path. In June G will graduate with his Associate’s Degree in Libral Arts and by next December he will have his Bachelor’s Degree in Business Management. He took 4 years off between high school and college and he went back. He is the top student in his whole school with a 3.9 GPA. 
G inspires me because he shows me anything is possible when work hard for it. When he wants something he puts in 110% and doesn’t give up. Even though he’s not perfect he tries and that’s the most important thing. 

Drug addiction and alcohol addiction are a very serious problem. Many people get exposed at a very young age, and when 1/10 Americans has an addictive personality that spells out disaster for many. For people like G, it is easy to trade one addiction for another (i.e., alcohol, stimulants, tobacco, porn, etc.) so it’s important to be aware of what you are doing at all times. Self awareness and love are important for conquering anything addictive. I am very proud of G and hope his story can be inspirational to someone out there who’s struggling with drug or alcohol addiction. 

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So I wanted to take the time to talk about my progress with my medication. I started Paxil 10 mg the day before Thanksgiving, and about a month later I was updated to 20 mg a day. This is the first medication I’ve formally been on and I’ve overall had a great experience with it. I also wanted to discuss my triggers and explain how I’m learning to deal with them to help you guys all out. 

It helps me with having better control over my mood swings, anxiety, depression and just being able to calm myself down. Besides the few times where I missed my medication and had a meltdown, I haven’t had any extremely bad days. I have been able to prevent myself from having a meltdown many times and I was not able to really do that before.

I’ve still had panic attacks, but I’ve been able to stop them before they could get too bad. Overall, I feel more calm and relaxed throughout the day. My anxiety and depression are still there, but they don’t own me, I own them now.

Paired with my medication, I’m learning to identify what triggers me to be upset and to discuss it with my loved ones so they understand. It is still frustrating sometimes because I feel that people don’t understand why something is triggering when I explain why a bunch of times, but it’s been better. I can form rational thoughts and understand my triggers.

My triggers are still my Achilles’ heel. Last night I was triggered because I saw something on my phone that would be triggering for G if he saw it so I was restless before I went to sleep. Thanks to my medicine, instead of having a full blown anxiety attack and worrying myself to death, I decided to speak with G about what I saw and see if he saw it, and if he did how he reacted to it. I also told myself there’s a chance he didn’t even see it so my worries may be unfounded. I’m still triggered by news stories that mention sex/nudity, women that I deem to be superior to me, celebrities/porn stars that I know G has seen naked, etc., but I’m learning to lay my triggers out, accept them and try to teach others about them. I know getting quiet and upset if I’m triggered only upsets those around me because they don’t understand. Many times G doesn’t understand why I’m upset and feels I’m projecting it onto him, and it leads to an arguement because he feels I’m taking something out on him when he hasn’t done anything wrong. I’m learning that I have to express myself in a non-judgmental way so he doesn’t take what I’m saying as a jab at him but rather as me explaining what triggers me.

Today I was also very happy because G texted me this morning that he was excited to make love to me today out of the blue. This made me happy because when G was looking at porn a lot it made me feel like he wasn’t as into being intimate with me and it affected our sex life. March 4 was 4 months since his D-Day and even though he slipped up, he’s made a big effort to avoid things that can be triggering for him, and when he’s presented with triggers he has learned how to deal with them rather than just look at a bunch of porn. It makes me happy because when G was looking at a lot of porn it made me feel undesirable, unsexy, ugly, fat, etc., so it makes me happy to see him putting in more effort to be romantic and sexy. I’m happy because I know that even if he slips up that he has learned enough self control to not have porn binges again. 

My triggers are my own and I have the ability to control them somewhat. I know I can choose to freak out or I can calmly discuss with G that I’m feeling triggered and need to talk. I’m happy that there’s been improvements to our sex life, because I was terrified of minor disruptions of our sex life again or of G continuing to use porn as a stress relief. I’ve learned to be more understanding of him. I understand that G’s porn problem was not my fault. He watched porn long before he even met me and it went from a hobby to a habit. In his interview he even mentioned it was necessary for him at some points for a day to feel normal. I understand that as I have triggers that he has triggers too. Certain words and images can trigger him and he usually would binge before he was even aware of it. It made him feel guilty around me because he didn’t wanna upset me. When I found out he looked at porn I used to cry and have panic attacks. It is still something very terrible for me and it is not something I could deal with if he wasn’t willing to change. I’m learning to be more approachable to him. When he last slipped 3 weeks ago he was honest about it with me when I asked, so I see that as a sign that things are improving. 

It makes me happy because we grow as a couple every day. Blogging helps me grow confident with myself and to deal with things that have happened from the time I was a kid to the time I was an adult. It allows me to communicate better with my partner and allows him to see in my heart and understand that even if he doesn’t always agree with my views, that they are real, valid and deserve to be respected. I understand minor slip ups as long as they don’t lead to G binging with porn of porn stars or everyday women posting pictures. If there’s a news story that mentions nudity/sex and he looks up the picture I won’t be too thrilled but I will be happy he’s honest and we will try to find ways to help G not give in to temptations. It’s difficult but we get stronger everyday. ❤

Edit – I also wanted to add that I’m learning to love myself and find myself beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, etc., both inside and out. I know I’m worthy of respect and love from those around me. For a long time I tried to justify things that have happened to me but I know that bad things just happen sometimes. I love and respect myself to know what I deserve. I know that if I want my relationship to be porn free that I deserve that, and any less is disrespectful to me. But I also respect that it takes time to break a habit and that G’s progress is substantial and I love him so much for doing this for me. It truly means a lot to me that he is willing to at least try and that we are making progress. ❣️

A Day Without Women

This post is in honor of International Women’s Day. You are all strong, beautiful and independent women. ❣️

Hello everyone. Today is International Women’s Day, a day which celebrates triumphs of women and which seeks to continue improving lives of women across the globe. A phenomenon which is part of this celebratory day is called A Day Without Women. This phenomenon suggests women wear red in solidarity, not spend money on big businesses and to stay at home whether paid or unpaid, because women do many jobs that are unpaid (e.g., being mothers). There has been lots of backlash towards this holiday and the Day Without Women phenomenon, because many people think that Feminism is pointless. 


Pardon the language in the above image, but I wanted to post this to display one reason why Feminism is still important. Many times when women try to express their feelings and gain validation of their feelings, they’re given comments such as the ones above. Women are often criticized for crying, getting angry or expressing opinions that are not popular, and are put down when they want to express themselves. If a man expresses himself with passionate feelings he’s respected, but if a woman expresses herself with passionate feelings she’s often accused of being on her period. 

I live in the United States and many people say that women are equal citizens so Feminism isn’t neccesary. There are many things wrong with that statement. Affinity Magazine posted an article last month about Feminism. Although the United States is one of the best places to live if you’re a female, there are many issues going on that many people don’t seem to care about. Listed below are some summaries of this article.

President Donald Trump openly made comments that were degrading towards women and those were dismissed by many people. “Like a girl” is an expression still used to imply weakness (e.g., throwing a baseball “like a girl”). Brock Turner, a young man who raped an unconscious woman, served 3 months out of his 6 month jail sentence just because he’s privileged. Female hygiene (e.g., douching) is seen as disgusting, women are expected to be fully shaven and jokes are made about natural bodily processes such as queefing. Women are made to feel ashamed about their periods even though they’re natural, involuntary and the pain that comes from periods help women to deliver children. Tampons and other feminine products were taxed 5% until 2016, and this says that basic women products should be taxed but condoms shouldn’t. Abortion is still debated and in countries like Ireland is still wholly illegal. 

“Keep Ya Head Up,” by 2Pac has some interesting lyrics. 2Pac wasn’t wholly what I’d call a feminist: he said “I love women, but I hate bitches even more. They make it bad for real women. They make it so when I meet a real woman she’s scared of me because this bitch says I raped her. Women don’t like bitches. I’m a man’s man, I attack suckers whoever they are.” 

“I give a holla to my sisters on welfare

2Pac cares, if don’t nobody else care

And, I know they like to beat you down a lot

When you come around the block, brothers clown a lot

But please don’t cry, dry your eyes, never let up

Forgive but don’t forget, girl, keep your head up

And when he tells you you ain’t nothin’, don’t believe him

And if he can’t learn to love you, you should leave him

Cause sister, you don’t need him

And I ain’t tryin’ to gas ya up, I just call ’em how I see ’em

You know what makes me unhappy

When brothers make babies, and leave a young mother to be a pappy

And since we all came from a woman

Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman

I wonder why we take from our women

Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?

I think it’s time to kill for our women

Time to heal our women, be real to our women

And if we don’t we’ll have a race of babies

That will hate the ladies that make the babies

And since a man can’t make one

He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one

So will the real men get up

I know you’re fed up ladies, but keep your head up.”

Mr. Shakur in my opinion is a feminist. I believe that even though songs like “How Do U Want It?” are sexual and seem to demean women, I believe that 2Pac is suggesting that some women give a bad name to all women. A lot of women want respect, want the ability to wear what they like, to make the same as men, and to be able to express themselves. 

Elephant Journal tells us about how 1/4 women will be raped in Canada, how women are made to feel ashamed about their bodies by being told to cover up, etc. It also addresses that there are issues faced by men, such as being criticized for expressing their emotions and being raped, but that men who experience either are labeled a sissy or feminine. It is why it is important to fight back against the patriarchy because there are issues that both men and women face today. Regardless if you’re part of a developed nation or a developing nation, there are issues that plague women. Obviously if you live in a Middle Eastern country your issues are different versus if you live in the United States. Being beaten for having sex outside of marriage is different than being criticized for wearing suggestive clothing, but both are issues that women face.

Why we need Feminism is because people like my parents and friends laugh at the idea of an International Women’s Day. My dad laughed and asked if I took the day off. My friend said there should be a Men’s Day and women need to stop complaining. We need Feminism because women are looked down upon when they express feelings and are looked at as weak. “Feelings” aren’t important to many people. We need Feminism because we live in a world where it’s ok for men to look at porn but it’s not ok for women to breast feed. We need Feminism because we live in a world where a woman is often judged by her looks rather than her competency, especially for secretarial jobs. 

G

This post is dedicated to my love, G. Thank you for always being amazing ❣️

I mention him in almost every post on my blogs, so I figured I would write about G in this blog post. Tell you more about us and our history together.

It all started in August 2014. He just got a job at the coffee shop I worked at. I saw him here and there at work, but we didn’t work the same shift so we didn’t see each other much. By November, my shift lead was fired and G was chosen to replace her. I was upset because I felt that I deserved the position based on my time working at the coffee shop and the fact that I was trained over a year ago to take the position. G was friendly to me, despite the fact that I initially was cold towards him for getting the promotion I wanted. He vowed that he would get me promoted some day. People told me that before so I didn’t take it seriously.

Fast forward to February 2015. The Patriots won the Super Bowl. During the Super Bowl, G had given me updates about the game the whole time. We no longer worked together, but he got me promoted. We became friends during our few months working together. After his friend passed away, I saw a more vulnerable side of him and it made me want to be his friend. He encouraged me to be my best self and made me excited to wake up everyday because I knew he’d text me “Good morning.” 

By April 2015, it was clear that we weren’t just friends. We were spending more time together and I was falling for him. One of my supervisors had been bullying me and making me miserable at work. On April 4, 2015 it was especially bad. She made me cry and I was beginning to break. G and two of our friends visited me because they knew I was having a rough day, but my supervisor made them leave. Later on that night G was hinting to me that he wanted to date me, but I was so confused. I was afraid of getting in trouble at work, but that night made everything click. He hugged me so tight when he came back to see me, and I knew then I wanted to give him a chance.

He took me on a date, we spent more time together, and he even gave me my first kiss in over 10 years. On April 21, 2015 I agreed to be his girlfriend. Almost two years later, we’re stronger than ever. We’ve grown so much since then, we’re almost ready to be on our own, and we get through everything together. There’s been bumps along the way but we don’t let them stop us.


G was my first everything basically, so it’s been a long road. I feel badly sometimes because I still make mistakes. I admit I’m a very clingy girlfriend. Even though I try to stop myself from doing it I catch myself glancing at the screen when he’s on his phone. I get nervous to speak up when something bothers me because I’m afraid of pushing him away. I freak out over too many things. He gives up opportunities to study at a farther away school, to make more money by getting a second job, etc., for me. He deals with my insecurities. He always apologizes when he makes a mistake. I’m hard on myself a lot, but I try to tell myself if he wasn’t happy with me he wouldn’t be with me.

I worry about being a broken soul and repairing my wounds. Stiching myself back together piece by piece is tough. Sometimes G can’t rationalize why I’m feeling a certain way so it causes tension. I wish I wasn’t how I am but I accept how I am.  4 months after G’s last major relapse with porn, it’s been an eye opening experience and I think we’ve both learned a lot. He has been more honest and I’ve been more open to talking. He slipped up about two weeks ago and was honest with me, a huge victory in my opinion. I’ve been working on changing how I react so I am more approachable. I understand he’s not perfect but just want effort. To me an effort is knowing triggers, websites with triggers, and when confronted with a trigger after trying to avoid them to do the best he can to not slip. And if he does slip at least be honest if I ask. And he’s been doing that. I still worry, and it shows by me peeking over his shoulder sometimes when he’s doing something on his phone. I get scared of going back to the times when he looked at porn a lot and when our sex life was negatively affected. I get scared of him changing his mind and saying it’s not a big deal so he’s going to do it. But I try to tell myself that he loves me and that he’s doing his best.

I try to pray a lot for us individually and us together. Next summer we’re going to have our own apartment, full-time jobs, finishing up with our degrees online, and we have to pay bills while putting away money. Life is stressful. G has a hectic home life, has no days off between work and school, deals with my crazy self everyday, and tries to help those in his life. I work a stressful job, am finishing my senior year, and G really is my one and only close friend. I know God rewards us for our efforts by giving us little things to enjoy. Next month we’re going to Dallas, Texas with his family, as well as celebrating our two year anniversary. I believe God is helping us along our journey.

June will also be 3 years sobriety for G from hard drugs. I’m very proud of him. I know when he truly wants something he works hard to obtain it. August will be 2 years since he bought a pack of cigarettes. May will be 6 months since his D-Day with porn, and besides minor slip ups he’s been doing great. Like Paul McCartney once said sometimes you have to “Let it Be,” and have faith in people. I try to have faith in G and when I get anxious I just pray. I pray to God that He helps G and I conquer any troubles that come our way, I pray for forgiveness on both ends and I try to pray we become better for each other every day. ❤